it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
