i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
