I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
