Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
