I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
