Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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