Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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