I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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