I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
