i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
