You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
