his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
