Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
