My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
