as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
