Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
