allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
