I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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