My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
