If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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