i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
