i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
