this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
