I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
