At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Blood and glitter go together right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
