I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
