I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
