Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
