thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
