I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
