Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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