there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
