The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
