Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Farmville is her only friend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
