Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am naked and annoyed.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
