i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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