come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She swung at the pinata with crutches
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
