I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
