Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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