ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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