I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
