Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He better not be in your backpack
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
