So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
