you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
