which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
