You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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