The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
