No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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