Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Randomize
