Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
