Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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