I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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