dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
